you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we're making bets on your personal life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
