HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
