i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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