he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
