Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
