Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
