The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
