I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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