I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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