I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
