At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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