Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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