Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
