Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
honey bunches of taint.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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