There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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