So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
