Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
