My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
