my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
