walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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