good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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