I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
