You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
