remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
