In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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