Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
