hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
