the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
