I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
