hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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