I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Two words: blizzard sex
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