This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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