I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
