the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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