don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
soo... how was my night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
