he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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