Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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