your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
