If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
as a side note pls kill me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
