she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
