At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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