I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
