Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
