Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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