somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
