I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
