he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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