and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
