so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
