GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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