Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
