Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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